the roof terrace getting ready for summer 

downfall

i went to see the film 'downfall' last night. it is a german film about the last days of hitler's life in berlin in 1945. it was incredibly powerful - the most traumatic 3 hours of cinema i have ever experienced. jon and i sat in silent shock for about 10 minutes after the end of the film - too upset to talk. it is an excellent film - but so difficult to watch. hitler evidently became more and more power-crazed and out of touch with reality - he continued to ignore the advice of his officers to surrender in order to save the lives of thousands and thousands of soldiers and civilians. the acting was superb, and managed to present the events from a number of angles - we were able to appreciate the desperation and fear of the nazi leaders (holed up in their bunker) - and there were even moments where hitler seemed like a sad, defeated old man. i will stop short of saying i felt sorry for hitler, but at least he was portrayed as human. the most difficult thing about the film was that hope was almost completely absent. jon and i spent the hours afterwards trying to answer that fundamental question "why?" - why do people go to war? why did so many innocent people have to die? why are people still at war with one another. not very cheerful, but important to be reminded of the horrors of the twentieth century, that we might remember to be peacemakers.

loving leadership

tonight i spoke to my vicar, stephen. i have such respect for him, and i care about him very much. i have been allowing myself to worry and worry about a number of things at church (which are too intricate, or too boring to mention here), and for reasons that i can't quite recall, i haven't said anything - i have just got more worried. so tonight i reminded stephen that i love him, and i value him very much. and it felt good to remind myself of that too.

ignatius of loyola

something to think about this week - here is our school prayer, written by the founder of the jesuits, ignatius of loyola. lord jesus, teach me to be generous, to serve you as you deserve, to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labour and to ask for no reward, save that of knowing i do your will, amen.

gratitude

simon bishop sj (one of my very favourite jesuit priests) once said to me that he tries to live by two principles - gratitude and generosity. both concepts are super huge - but so very important. i have often meditated on them - especially at times when i think i am getting arrogant, or when i am feeling sorry for myself. gratitude especially should keep us humble. we have so much to be grateful to god for, and i think it is an excellent reminder - just those two words "gratitude and generosity".

lemmony

my artist friend paul lemmon has a website www.paullemmon.co.uk - it will eventually showcase his fantastic work, so bookmark it if you're interested in art.

creativity

we have started our creative arts sermon series at church. today sam h kicked us off with a rousing call to action. so fantastic that between the morning and the evening services some people had been creative and had brought in their creations for the gallery corner. i enjoyed doing the congregational handprint, which expresses our creativity and our unity - a concept i like to call creatunity.

cheesecake

at lunch today alex and i had a discussion about whether it would be possible to live on desert alone. i tried to argue that it would be possible (obviously not ideal) - and i tried to justify this by refering to the main food groups - fats (lots of those in puddings), carbohydrates (again, plenty of those - sponge cake, rice pudding), fibre (fruit) and protein. protein is a little more difficult, but i proudly announced that cheesecake contains protein because it contains cheese. this was met with incredulity (bordering on sneering from matthew: "of course cheesecake doesn't actually contain cheese!"). even nick wyke couldn't back me up. i had to rummage around in stella and peter's kitchen to find a cook book. it had no less than 5 different cheesecake recipes, all of which listed cheese on the ingredients. matthew is still not convinced. [by the way, alex and i are looking into a book deal for the 'pudding diet' - any publishers out there?]

refugees

i was invited to lunch today at stella and peter's house (which is where josh lived for his first few weeks in the uk). they hold regular lunches for various refugee families in brixton/streatham. it was a wonderful time - something that i would previously been quite nervous about, and maybe even had some prejudice about (jumping to conclusions perhaps about the type of person that might be a refugee or whatever). in fact, it was like a big family barbeque. there were four families there - one from kosovo, one from the sudan and two from somalia. their level of english varied (stella teaches them all english, which is how she knows them), but nevertheless the conversation and the laughter flowed pretty freely. alex and i tried to learn how to say "my name is..." in somali and albanian - which provided much hilarity. what an amazing, warm, welcoming home stella and peter have created.

tired and emotional

not that it is very interesting, but i have been very tired and a little bit sad in recent days. it is very nearly half term, and every fibre of my being is crying out for a break (hope i don't get sick over the holidays!) - i have had a slight sore throat this week. i am also feeling a little bit lonely. ho hum. you know this really isn't the kind of thing to blog about. as my friend kelly would say - far too self indulgent!

gay messiah

i think it has been at least a week since i mentioned rw (don't even dare type his name in case you all throw rotten tomatoes at the screen - nor do i want to put anyone off him by talking about him too much...). tonight i had another night in with rufus watching the documentary "all i want". found out some interesting things - particularly about the inspiration for some of his songs. i like the song "gay messiah" - for it's naughtiness, and also because it is purposefully provocative. he is partly praying for someone to save america from the shockingly self-righteous conservative religiousity - amen to that. the dvd had some great interviews (particularly interesting to hear from his mum, martha and his friends - less interesting to hear from self-promoting and far less talented musicians such as elton john, sting and keane - oh, well alright then, sting is vaguely talented).

sitting with geeks

i don't often blog about work, which i guess means i'm pretty happy there. today we had the opening ceremony for our new 'science faculty staffroom' - basically i am being forced to move from the regular staffroom (where i sit with the r.e. staff for some reason) into a room peopled by the ict, maths and science geeks! so tomorrow i leave my desk (where i have been sitting for 8 years) and set up camp in the new room. we'll see how that goes. i'm not very good at change, although usually the idea of change is worse than the reality.

psalm 15

as part of my preparation for the bible study last night i read psalm 15. it really made me think about quite a few things in my life. here it is: "lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? who may live on your holy hill? he whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart, and has no slander on his tongue - who does his neighbour no wrong and casts no slur on his fellow man - who keeps his oath even when it hurts. he who does these things will never be shaken" (niv, slightly abridged). i really think i haven't always spoken the truth recently, and i've definitely been 'slandering' so i will be attempting to put that right.

meatballs and malachi

last night we had meatballs at growth group. they were very good. we also continued our study of malachi - thinking about chapter 2 verses 10-16. so far malachi has been about israel's unfaithfulness - which has been a very interesting topic. it is quite difficult to know what makes someone a faithful person - but chapter two gives us some insights into this. the picture in chapter two is of a family and the faithful relationships that help to make families function. there is a section about inter-marriage - the jews had been marrying outside the faith, which was causing many to turn away from god. we had an interesting discussion about whether we were 'faithful people' in the covenants we have made - to our partners, to our workplaces, to our friends, to god. we talked about the fact that a covenant was two-way, and that sometimes the unfaithfulness of the other party might make us less faithful. (perhaps, as stephen said at sam and becca's wedding, what the other party gives to the "covenant" is irrelevant - we should always be giving 100%?). we also talked about how to raise a child to be faithful (to god, to the faith, but also to all his/her covenants). i mentioned the jewish traditions of sabbath meals and how this always involved talking to the children about the story of god's faithfulness. this kind of week-in-week-out teaching (rather than a 20 minute bridge to life conversion) would develop a solid foundation of knowledge - as long as it was coupled with a daily demonstration of the faith in the family. it also reminded me of a fantastic jewish proverb i read once which said something like "the happiness of a jewish child reflects the health of his parents' sex lives". i love that because i do think children feel happy and secure when their parents remain intimate and content.

windswept, but still serene 

isn't he lovely? isn't she beautiful? 

getaway car 

my beautiful friends 

mrs jones 

me and mrs jones, we got a thing going on 

nick wick 

poser? me? 

we miss you guys! 

farewell to jim and beck (we all look a little too happy) 

the right hook of fellowship 

joshua

so josh has been in london for sam and becca's wedding. great to see you again, my friend. oh, do stay in london... please. you know you want to.

josh, vikki and i went to moot tonight. enjoyed it very much - a series of stations from "the wreath of christ" - an ancient swedish tradition. very contemplative. i particularly liked the station about desert experiences, and about how we can learn through difficult times. was a bit upset to pop into abh and feel reprimanded for missing the evening service...

mr and mrs jones

well, they've done it - sam and becca are now officially mr and mrs jones. congratulations to both of you! it was a wonderful day - full of good things, and good people.

photos of london

i had a fantastic evening last night. had dinner with paul lemmon at the tate modern restaurant. it has amazing views across london (see photos). i was a bit disappointed because our table was on the less-impressive side of the restaurant, but actually the sky was stunning, and on balance, i think the view was better.

london skyline 

london skyline from the tate 

sundance

last night was also salsa. i could go on and on about salsa, but seeing as i intend to go every week, i will try not to. but it really is excellent fun - good to make some connections with people, good to do some exercise whilst also listening to some great music. that kind of spanish/latin music combines so many of the best things in life - it is part sexy, part joyous celebration. it always seems to put a spring in my step and a smile on my face. oh, and on the subject of dancing, we need to do some sundancing here in london - rain, rain go away! i want a lovely sunny day for sam and becca's wedding on saturday!

healthcare

yesterday i visited an elderly neighbour of my parents' who is in hospital. it reminded me of how truly wonderful nurses are - in fact, i have nothing but admiration for pretty much everyone who works in healthcare. it was also sad to see violet on her own, lonely and scared. there are so many thousands of elderly people with no-one to visit them. quite difficult to know what to do, apart from make sure we look after our own relatives.

terrifying

tonight i have had the most terrifying experience of my life so far. i was driving home, minding my own business, when the car 2 cars ahead of me started driving very slowly, and a bit erratically. the car in front of me slowed down too, and i began to get a bit irritated. suddenly the car behind me pulled out across the road. i thought he was overtaking me because the car in front was hesitating, but instead he slewed across the road onto the opposite pavement. at exactly the same moment 2 blokes got out of the car in front of me, one of them with a gun. he started yelling "stop, police", and at that moment i saw a young guy running away on the opposite side of the road. within seconds 8-10 armed plain-clothes policemen had jumped out of 5 cars all around me - the one in front, the one behind and the one two cars ahead, as well as a couple that had been coming in the opposite direction. as soon as i saw the gun, my instinct was to duck below the dashboard. i was terrified. i honestly don't think i have ever seen a real gun so close before. within 5 seconds the police had caught the guy, and the tension evaporated. i looked up and saw a couple of the police officers smiling, and i was so confused. had it all been a prank? but then one of them waved me forwards (to drive on) and i saw the young guy face down on the road with two police officers holding him. i was totally and utterly shaken up. i have been reflecting on this since. i guess i should be so pleased that we have police officers who are prepared to do this stuff. perhaps the young guy was armed. i suppose it took a lot of police intelligence to know where he'd be, and to get 5 car loads of undercover police officers in the right place at the right time. just wish i hadn't been there in the middle of it all. the "what ifs" are truly terrifying.

5 days to go...

til sam and becca's wedding day. i am so excited. big love to you both my friends.

like chocolate

i am the luckiest girl in the world, i get to do so many great things. so, having seen rufus on friday, and a hip-hop-latino ensemble on saturday, i went to see alison moyet last night (monday). not sure what you folks might think of alison moyet - bit groovy perhaps? well, the truth is, i am no great alison fan (i don't have any albums) but kelly asked if i wanted to go with her. i have seen alison moyet before with kelly, and both times she has been absolutely fantastic. her voice is like chocolate - rich, velvety and a bit naughty. she had gathered a band of superbly talented musicians, including a string quartet, which perfectly complemented her bluesy, jazzy music. very more-ish.

only human

went to see a pre-screening of a new spanish film, only human, on sunday. it is a fantastic 'black comedy' about a jewish family meeting their future son-in-law (a palestinian) for the first time. a few very funny moments, and some amusing twists and turns. highly recommended.

clucking hens

well it was becca's hen night on saturday, which was great fun - so well planned by camilla and clare. it seemed they had chosen just the right events and activities for becca, and for a bunch of her friends. started off with a picnic on hampstead heath (which i couldn't make) including light-hearted dares for the bride-to-be. then we met in bethnal green for a lingerie shower (she now has an underwear drawer to die for!), and then up to town to a club called guanabara. this is a huge club in soho that describes itself as a "samba" bar. however, there was a mixture of latino music and hip-hop, which was interesting. sort of latin-meets-street. we also were treated to a live break dancing show. they were obviously super talented folks, but it still ended up looking like they were falling over and getting their clothes very messy.

"les chansons terribles"

well, another month, another rufus gig - it's getting almost routine, huh!? but never boring, of course... anyone who is bored to tears of hearing about rufus, either stop reading, or (more wisely) buy an album, go to a gig, and be enchanted. anyway, last night's gig was in oxford (it's been a while since i went to oxford, and it really is a great city). lorraine, my work colleague, came with me, which was fun - lots of time to chat on the way there and back. rufus was fantastic, of course. it was the same set as at shepherd's bush - including semi-naked, blue-sequined-pant-wearing encores. it was brilliant to sit down (i know, i know, i am getting old), although compared to islington in march we were miles away from the stage. the title of this blog refers to a little camp rufusism - he was referring to his latest album, want two, as a collection of songs that didn't fit in any of the previous albums. way to sell some albums, ruf. apart from the fact that rw is a genius (blah, blah, blah), he also reminds me very much of my darling friends sam, becca and josh - was thinking of you, my friends.

book launch

thursday evening was nick wyke's book launch at the italian cultural institute in belgravia. it was a very civilised do, as you can imagine. was good to catch up with perry and assorted wyke fans. i was very proud of him! he still hasn't signed my copy of the book though....

ear-itating

i know it's not a very exciting thing to blog about, but i have earache at the moment. it's that kind of nagging toothachy pain that constantly reminds you there's something wrong. i probably have a little infection (although it is very annoying that i can't see inside my own ear) - i'm always having ear problems. it means i can't swim for a few days, which i should look on as a nice break. so, all in all, i am feeling a bit physically low, and i'm off to bed now to try and let my body heal.

nana takes centre stage 

zac and shamim 

me, zac and mum at worthing beach 

family

just got home from celebrating my nana's 96th birthday! she lives in worthing (by the sea), and it was a bright, sunny spring day. she is amazing - fighting fit and very fiesty. it was nice to get together with my mum's side of the family too.

bowling

science department social on friday night - ten pin bowling! quite a good social activity, because you're not "trapped" in one spot like you can be at a meal. i was better at bowling than i usually am, although didn't get any strikes. also, talking of raynes park, big news - a drive-thru krispy kreme donut (that's a drive-through crispy cream doughnut) place has opened up. probbabbly their'll be lowds and lowds mor obeese peple soon. (why can't americans spell?)

caravaggio

finally managed to see the caravaggio exhibition at the national gallery. it was very good (and had been highly recommended by lots of people) - especially using the audio guide. i went with roger dawson sj, who was over from paris for a brief sojourn.

humility

i have been reading a book called "the christian priest today" by michael ramsey, and i thought some passages spoke quite powerfully into the debate about macho theology. i quote: "let those who are glad to be catholics or evangelicals or liberals set themselves to learn from one another, for the partisan can soon become a person who loves his own apprehension of the truth more than christ who is the truth (and himself more than either).... pierce down deep in theology - and you will discover what is neither modern or contemporary or old and archaic, but genuinely timeless. the true radical is not the man who suspends himself from the branches on the left or the right, but the man who in his thinking and actions goes to the root of the tree. your humility...represents the lord. it remains that there is only one kind of person who makes god known and realised by other people, and that is the person who is humble because he knows god, and knows god because he is humble. may it one day be said of you, not necessarily that you talked about god cleverly, but that you made god real to people - only humility can do that"(chapters 10 and 11)

catholic family planning

nick, perry and i had a long discussion about the catholic's church's stand-point on contraception, and we couldn't figure out why it is still opposed it. anyone know why?